This post is going to be about finding yourself and being who you really are, since this is something, I am still trying to figure out, so I thought it would be nice to share this with you. I hope that being open about this might help someone out there who maybe feels the same.
Nearly every magazine, newspaper or blog tells us to be ourselves and act according to our personality. Every motivational coach or successful person in general, will tell you to be yourself, in order to become happy, wealthy and have a wonderful life. However, “being yourself” can be quite tricky, because what does it even mean? The call to follow your inner self, evokes all kinds of questions that can be confusing or even stress you out. Who am I, after all? How do I find out what I want? What is my “passion”? Do I even have one? Why does everyone seem to be so sure about themselves? Is there something wrong with me?
I have had those thoughts a lot, especially during puberty and there are still occasions when they come back, but I can answer most of them now or let them go, because I know that it will be okay (emphasis is on “most”).
What I think is immensely important to know when having trouble understanding who you really are, is that there is no “real” you (it took me a while to accept that). There is no fixed version of your personality that has to be expressed all the time. Everything that happens in your environment, changes you. What you hear, see, taste, feel and smell physically influences your brain and how your synapses are connected (not kidding, its true). Of course, these changes go unnoticed, but they are still there.
When even every little smell can change our brain, I don’t have to tell you what kind of impact events and people have on us. We will never be able to develop a “self” independent from what surrounds us and this is not the goal. Everyone has events in their lives that make them question themselves and what they are doing, but these events form us, form how we will react in the future. They shape our thinking about the world. You change every day, so it is simply not possible to be the “real” you.
However, most people do have reoccurring patterns in their life, meaning that they have a passion or principles they stick to. I cannot tell you what you should like or what your passion should be, you have to find that out yourself, but I can try to give you some advice. Do not stress about it or force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do, at one point you will come across something you completely enjoy, automatically. You can try out different hobbies and activities, if you want to, but your hobbies also do not define you. They are part of you, yes, but your past experiences, your opinions, thoughts, feelings and people you love define you as a person just as much.
When I find myself in one of the thought spirals I described above, it often helps to sit down and write about my thoughts and what I am worried about. Then I search my mind for adjectives with which I would describe myself and make a list. Everything that comes to my mind straight goes to paper and when I am finished, I feel better and less lost.
You should not be scared or worried when you don’t know where exactly you are headed from time to time. Everyone loses track sometimes, but it will come back eventually. There will be a point where you know for sure what the right thing to do will be and until then: Keep calm and don’t get hung up on your thoughts.